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a-libra-writes · 3 years ago

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GoT Imagines - When You're Engaged to Someone Else

Woooo this is a doozy and I'm including new characters, mostly book ones! because i both love my followers and have lost my marbles.

In this preference, you'll be pining with: Ned Stark, Robb Stark, Sansa Stark, Jon Snow, Benjen Stark, Jory Cassel, Mance Rayder, Eddison Tollett, Pre-Reek!Theon, Yara Greyjoy, Victarion Greyjoy, Daenerys Targaryen, Jorah Mormont, Missandei, Grey Worm, Tywin Lannister, Tyrion Lannister, Jaime Lannister, Cersei Lannister, Sandor Clegane, Bronn, Jaquen H’Ghar, Petyr Baelish, Robert Baratheon, Stannis Baratheon, Davos Seaworth, Margaery Tyrell, Brynden Tully, Edmure Tully, Brienne of Tarth, Ramsay Bolton, Roose Bolton, Oberyn Martell, Doran Martell, Arianne Martell, Tyene Sand

Ned Stark

He’s already an expert in suffering in silence, so this should be no different. Although he’s very surprised at the sudden arrangement, and while he isn’t a man to throw his rank around… He wonders if he can’t convince your family to reconsider. If it’s simply impossible, Ned would resign himself to having to stop the relationship. He’s too honorable to ever consider an affair and he’s not a man to start a duel or cause trouble, especially since it would negatively affect your reputation. The heavy combination of missing you, pining after you all over again and feeling like he didn’t do enough is hard. Some days he entertains the idea of still having a friendship, but it doesn’t seem like a good idea. He doesn’t trust himself.

Robb Stark

The young wolf tries to accept it, even if his feelings become more and more angry each day. Robb never threw his name around, but… he was going to be Lord Stark. Wasn't that good enough for your family? For you? He tries to be the bigger man, but if you're miserable with your spouse and they don't treat you well, he can't keep his temper in check. Expect him to have a sudden outburst at a feast and cause a scene. The only thinking keeping him from an outright duel are his parents and his worry about your reputation. But if he was pushed to it….

Sansa Stark

She should've known this would happen. It's the fate of all ladies, yet there's a bitterness that tugs at her when she hears the news. Sansa tries to bury her feelings around others, but she's never done that with you. She expresses her disappointment and sorrow, and swears she'll help if your spouse turns out to be awful. She doesn't want them to be, but she doesn't want you beginning to prefer their company, either. She wonders if her affection for you would wane if she just pined from afar and tried to keep her feelings to herself.

Jon Snow

Ah yes, once again his bastardry is hitting him straight in the gut. Jon knew it was going to happen eventually, he already felt like the relationship was on a timer, and now it’s finally ended. He’s convinced there’s no getting out of it, because even if you did - you’d never be able to be with him in the open. It makes Jon glad he’s going to the Wall; hopefully the distance and cold will dull his feelings. In spite of that, sometimes he’ll tell Sam about you, and he speaks so mournfully it makes Sam think that distance hasn’t done all that much to help Jon’s pining.

Benjen Stark

He should be the bigger person and accept that this is for the best. He’s sworn to the Wall, and you two shouldn’t have been sneaking around. He should be relieved neither of you were caught. None of these thoughts are comforting. Ben tries to cope by making not-so-joking jokes about you running off to the Wall too, or perhaps he should take Yoren’s job and find his way to your court once in a blue moon. Then there’s no joking, and it’s just bitterness. He removes himself from your life after that, not wanting to hurt you with his own negative thoughts. He’d rather you keep the happy memories.

Jory Cassel

He accepts it, not that it brings him any pleasure. Jory's always been proud of his service to the Starks, but he's long understood that his landed seat is not a valuable one. Whenever he married, if he did, it wouldn't be someone as lovely as you. The announcement still hits him in the gut and he dejectedly tries to break it off (though it's easier on him if you do it). If he was in charge of guarding you, he'd switch shifts immediately and begin avoiding you, thinking it'll make things easier.

Eddison Tollett

This relationship already seemed too good to be true, so it’s abrupt end is not surprising. He’s sworn to the Wall and you both were sneaking around to begin with, so this should have been expected, but… it just makes him feel even more tired and dumb. Sam and Jon notice how little he sleeps and that he’s begun to skip meals, and he doesn’t have to explain why. They can do the math. Edd at least doesn’t try to bury any sad feelings or memories. It’s too exhausting to actively try, and it’s something to keep him company while he works. Maybe the feelings will fade… eventually.

Mance Rayder

It's one more reason for him to leave the "South" and go past the Wall. He knew a proper relationship with you wasn't possible because of his vows, but watching you go through this sham of an arranged marriage is just depressing. He'll comfort you best he can until he has to go back to the Wall, though he won't make promises he can't keep. Having to separate from you weighs heavy on him for a long time, and is one of many reasons he abandons the Watch.

Theon Greyjoy

What the hell is this? Hearing the news ruins his whole day, worse if he wasn’t able to hear it directly from you. He’s the heir to the Iron Islands, and his interest in you was clear as day! No, he hadn’t proposed yet… but he was getting to it! Now some mainlander beat him to it? Theon is absolutely seething. He’d prefer to duel your spouse to teach them a lesson in front of everyone, but he’s open to more boring methods like reasoning with your family. If he wasn’t able to change the engagement, he’d be bitter, and more than willing to carry on an affair behind your spouse’s back. He ought to just go the Ironborn route and kidnap you for himself.

Asha (Yara) Greyjoy

When you give her the news and you’re clearly distraught about it, Yara considers carrying you off to her ship right there. If you’re non-Ironborn, you’ll be her saltwife -- and if you’re Ironborn, she wants to have a discussion with whoever the hell planned this when everyone KNOWS you belong with her. You hadn’t expected this possessive behavior, but now you know Yara’s willing to fight for you as soon as someone takes you. No surprise, she’s more than willing to sneak around with you behind your husband’s back - maybe she can goad him into a duel. That would certainly solve a problem, wouldn’t it?

Victarion Greyjoy

He doesn’t understand at first. Victarion had made it clear that you were his, hadn’t everyone known that? No, he never made any sort of formal marriage, but not because he didn’t care. He felt like there was no need, hadn’t everyone known? If your family and spouse are Ironborn, he’ll immediately sail to their keep and raise all seven hells, and marry you right there in front of them. If you were sent away to the green lands, it would take the combined power of Balon, Yara and Aeron to keep him from sailing off immediately and just kidnapping you - preferably after killing your spouse. Victarion is pissed. Someone is going to pay for this.

Daenerys Targaryen

She’s just as mad at you as she is with whoever arranged this ridiculous match. Daenerys doesn’t often entertain arrogant thoughts, but… How could anyone think to match you with someone else, knowing your relationship with her? She feels she ought to be offended, though Daenerys knows this is hard on you as well, and you didn’t ask for it. She’ll think of some clever way to get you out of the arrangement, no way is this person getting away from stealing from her. And yes, that might as well be what it is! While she’s working out what to do, if she so much as hears murmurs of the possibility of your spouse hurting you… all bets are off. She’s taking you back with her, alliance be damned.

Jorah Mormont

The announcement of your engagement is a punch to his gut and a shock to his system. Jorah knew he wasn’t the best husband material, but he was planning to ask for your hand himself - then this happened. What’s worse, he knows as far as practical marriage goes, he has little to offer. He goes into a bit of a panic as he tries to think of what to do. There’s sensible choices, like trying to talk to your family with you. Then there’s not so sensible ones… Maybe running off, maybe just continuing the relationship behind your new spouse’s back, maybe dueling them… While Jorah is in emotional turmoil, he’d do anything for you. Even if you wanted to break off the relationship… or had a plan for him to follow. He’s nothing if not hopelessly devoted.

Missandei

… Oh. Maybe she shouldn’t have expected you to stick around for so long. As close as she is to Daenerys, she really has no fancy titles or things to offer. She understood why your family chose the match, it was a good one, politically speaking… but that does little to soothe her. Quite the opposite, a strong, desolate feeling overcomes her, one she hasn’t felt in a long time. She isn’t sure what to do, if it’s her place to stop the process. Perhaps if you asked her, she could try to make plans. Daenerys would help as well, considering how fond she is of you two, and how much she despises women being forced into arrangements.

Grey Worm

The sudden news takes him off guard, and sends him into a bit of an existential crisis. He was starting to see himself as a person, with his own name and a path he chose to follow… then this arrangement happens, and he’s forced to face what the rest of the world sees him as. It’s not that Grey Worm has a sense of ownership over you, but for once he was allowing himself all these happy feelings and memories with you, and now it’s gone. Of course he wants you back, but he feels paralyzed. What if he makes it worse? Does this have to happen? He starts to become even more withdrawn and distant, worrying Missandei until she decides to help. Grey Worm finally returns to his old self when he has you in his arms again.

Tywin Lannister

His steady composure is hit with such a rage at the news, the servant delivering it goes into a panic. His interest in you was obvious, so anyone doing this was trying to spite him. He doesn’t take the insult well. Perhaps before you’re even able to tell him the news yourself, threats will be delivered to both the spouse’s family and your own - Tywin is especially furious towards them, and won’t forget this - and incidents will be arranged. He refuses to be a man who pines after someone or covets another one’s wife, nor will he allow some lesser lord to take what he perceives as ‘his’.

Tyrion Lannister

The angst hits him like a ton of bricks, and it’s even worse if this came out of left field. It hurts less if he hears it from you, but only just. He should have known your family wouldn’t have accept any proposal he made - and gods know he was ready to do it - it’s just one more log to fuel his self-loathing and bitterness toward this world. But if you knock some sense into him, he’ll snap out of that spiral and begin to plan with you. There’s plenty of choices before the two of you - scandal? Running off? - but rest assured, Tyrion is going to investigate the hell out of this person. He’d never forgive himself if you got stuck with a brute.

Jaime Lannister

The fact he knew this was inevitable doesn't help Jaime's irritation. He can't believe your family arranged for that person to marry you. Seriously? You'd better keep Jaime at a distance from your spouse, because he can't help himself from making snide remarks and sarcastic comments. If he riles up the guy into a duel, all the better. He'll do all sorts of reckless things to begin with, and it's only worse when he's upset. He's also very willing to have an affair behind your spouse's back - you were with him first. You’ll probably have to scold Jaime about you two almost getting caught, but he’s above reproach. His stubbornness and jealousy gets worse the closer you two are.

Cersei Lannister

She’s absolutely infuriated with your family. You were her handmaiden, someone whose been with her for years - and they have the nerve to go behind her back like this?! It smells like a scheme of Tyrion’s, or perhaps Varys, but she’ll deal with them in time. For now, she’ll work out what to do about your spouse. She’ll try to keep you around as much as possible, and her possessiveness comes out in full. You can’t possibly be interested in such a worthless man.

Sandor Clegane

When you tell Sandor, he’s quiet for a discerningly long time before the anger and arguments come out. And then the quiet bitterness. The thing is, he knew this was coming for a while. He knew your time together was limited, he shouldn’t have things like hopes and happiness because it’ll just get taken away. And it is. Even if you explain you’ll try to break off the arrangement, that there’s still a way to get out, he has trouble believing it. He’s seen enough ladies get chained to useless fucking lords, he’d rather not see it happen to someone he cares about, thanks. Sandor will push you away as much as he can, but you could still attempt to convince him to have an affair… or perhaps leave King’s Landing entirely.

Ser Bronn of the Blackwater

He’s only mildly annoyed at the inconvenience. It’ll be a lot harder for you both to sneak around now, and forget about it if you’re having to move somewhere far away. Guess that’s the end of that ‘relationship’ - he should’ve expected it. Bronn is way more willing to stay close if you remain in King’s Landing, and he expects you both to keep fooling around. Now, if he’s actually started to develop feelings about you… he’ll start to act differently. You don’t actually like your spouse, do you? Wasn’t that just some arranged bullshit? He’ll throw smirks and subtle insults your spouse’s way, as if trying to goad them into a fight. More then once you two will almost get caught because he decides waltzing up to your window is totally acceptable, or trying to have a quickie in the middle of the day. A surprisingly jealous side will come out and he’s in total denial about any feelings he might have.

Jacquen H’ghar

This isn’t alarming to Jacquen at first. He knew he could never have such a union with you, and since this Westerosi society is so insistent on marriage, it would happen eventually. Still, your pain hurts him as well. Jacquen would have a variety of plans … anywhere from easily disguising as a guard or servant so he’s always beside you, or perhaps whisking you away somewhere. This isn’t the end of your relationship for him - it’s just a challenge to overcome. He assumes you won’t send him away or break it off.

Petyr Baelish

You being someone else’s wife makes no difference to Petyr, though he’s surprised in himself. Usually he stays out of such affairs, it only causes trouble… But he’s been intrigued by you, and quite frankly, he’s offended that this Lord Whoever from Wherever didn’t take his interest into account. No matter. Petyr has plenty of plans to deal with this pest, though he’s annoyed at his own jealousy whenever he sees you together with your spouse, even if you’re miserable. While he doesn’t want you unhappy, it certainly makes starting an affair and/or disposing of your spouse much easier.

Robert Baratheon

He’s furious and everyone is going to know about it. Robert will complain endlessly to Ned and Lord Arryn about how he found you first, how that useless shit of a husband won’t know what to do with you. Since he does little to hide his disgust, rumors will spread all over court. Hell, he’ll probably say even stupider things when he’s drunk, or he’ll do something stupider, like actually try to aggravate the guy into a fight or a duel. If you’re actually able to get him under control, he has no qualms about having an affair with you… but he may not be subtle about it. So that’s another thing to keep in mind.

Stannis Baratheon

It’s depressingly impressive how willing Stannis is to bury and deny his feelings once he hears you’re promised to someone else. He’ll try to extinguish all the happiness he had with you, bottle up all the memories and feelings that went along with it. This will be fine. He’ll be fine. This iron resolve is easy to maintain if Stannis rarely sees you. If you both are forced to interact even semi-often, it chips away at him, and he can’t help himself from making biting remarks about your spouse when you both visit. He hates feeling this way, he’s never felt it before, and he carries a deep grudge against your spouse and family for making it happen. It’s easier if you write to him, but then Stannis starts keeping those letters and punishing himself by reading them over and over. Eventually he stops entirely, deeming it inappropriate, even if that feels like cutting off one of his limbs.

Davos Seaworth

The old knight is understandably saddened by news of your betrothal and marriage, but it makes sense. Politics-wise, Davos believes he isn’t much of a prize, even when he’s risen to Lord. He should’ve expected this would happen. He’d wish you genuine happiness… But if you were miserable, Davos would feel awful and powerless. If you truly wanted to continue the relationship behind your spouse’s back, his biggest worry would be the secret getting out and your reputation being ruined. He wouldn’t be able to resist forever, but he’d still try to talk you out of it and try to convince you to forget about him.

Margaery Tyrell

She seeks you out the moment she finds out - and that was quickly, because she often keeps tabs on you. Her grandmother warned her about getting so close to her favorite, but it still comes as a terrible shock. Margaery holds you close and promises she’ll make it better, somehow. Maybe she and her grandmother can reason with her family, perhaps you can marry into the Tyrell family, so you both can be together. She’ll fix it, she swears. The thought of someone else being with you is terrible enough, she’ll be even more worried if the person is abusive. Margaery won’t stand for it, and might take a few rare risks for your sake.

Brynden Tully

This stirs up a lot of complicated feelings in the old knight. He knew his relationship with you wouldn’t last forever, that you’d have to marry eventually, and he never wanted to marry…. But he feels like this is his fault, especially if you’re miserable. He could’ve prevented this. Brynden knows he ought to break off the relationship, and he won’t blame you if you do… but he’ll also consider the idea of continuing the relationship. And if you have to go somewhere far away, he’ll still appreciate you sending letters and having a correspondence. The relationship may not be the same long-distance, but he cares a lot about you, and it hurts having you cut from his life.

Edmure Tully

Woe and misery. How much wine is in Riverrun’s stores? He may end up drinking a dent in it by the time the month is out. He almost didn’t believe the news until he heard it from several people, or just you directly. How could this happen? Wasn’t he courting you properly, taking all the steps just the right way? Wasn’t his interest obvious to anyone with eyes? Edmure approaches your family with a bit of a hot head, almost demanding an answer for why they chose whoever over … whoever your spouse is. Edmure doesn’t even care who it is, he hates their guts immediately. More likely than not, he’ll do something foolish, like start a duel. If all else fails, he’ll make sad eyes at you at all the feasts and galas and go into a bit of a depression.

Brienne of Tarth

Brienne is immediately distraught, but also believes she deserves it somehow. This happy relationship just had to come to an end, didn’t it? Well, you two had to be discreet about it to begin with, which didn’t please her … but this alternative feels worse. Brienne switches between trying to stay frosty to make it easier for you two to part, and being unable to hold back her affection and sadness. The best solution she can think of is to stay as your sworn sword, independent of your new husband’s house guards. And gods know, she will come at him with a vengeance if he even dares upset you or lay an unwanted hand on you. That means the relationship could continue, but she dislikes the secrecy even more when you’re married. While she doesn’t like the idea of running away from problems, maybe in certain circumstances, she’d be open to the idea…

Ramsay Bolton

Ramsay is irate, to say the least. Even if you don’t actually know him, you’ve just caught his eye, he’ll become possessive. If you both were romantic before the engagement news, his anger and possessiveness would be even more dangerous. Woe to your spouse if he lives close to the Dreadfort - leave it to Ramsay to think up some “accident” for them to be involved in. And if he finds out they’re involved in some sort of treason or crime, that’s all the better, no matter how flimsy the “crime” is. If he’s feeling especially reckless, he’ll just arrange their murder and take you back right away. Ramsay is a terrible loser, doubly so if it involves one of the few things he actually cares about.

Roose Bolton

On the outside he doesn’t react to the news beyond a silent glare. On the inside, Roose is furious. He had plans for you, plans that may have taken quite a while to get to this point, and now it’s been ruined by someone whose actively working against him… or too stupid to realize what a massive mistake they just made. Roose thinks up various ways to circumvent this and have you to himself. In the meantime, he’ll gladly continue an affair behind your spouse’s back, but that won’t necessarily save them from death. You’ll notice him become increasingly possessive and jealous, even if you have zero interest in your spouse, and you can sense he’ll be holding a deep grudge against whoever arranged this in the first place.

Oberyn Martell

As soon as he hears about the news, Doran has to talk him down from dueling the man…Half his daughters support it, the other half suggest something more subtle. Overyn feels insulted, for one - your affection for each other was obvious, yet your family still made this arrangement. And if he doesn’t get his duel, he will spread all sorts of unsavory, salacious rumors about your spouse, in hopes of creating a scandal that makes your family break the union. Or better, lead to the man dueling Oberyn directly! Oberyn doesn’t even consider continuing your relationship with him an “affair”. You both were together first, and a farce of a marriage you didn’t agree to won’t change that. You just have to make sure he can be discreet.

Doran Martell

While the news of your engagement is depressing, it isn't surprising. He's quite aware of the politics of Westeros, even if his own family doesn't believe it, and he had wind of this engagement. He just thought he could stop it in time. He hides his disappointment, but his family can tell he's withdrawing. Oberyn argues with his brother to go get you and fight, but Doran is a man of silent plans. He'll still love to correspond with you, and you can tell by his letters that he seems hopeful. Maybe he's thought of a way to break it off …

Arianne Martell

Well, isn’t this irksome? Arianne loved having you in her palace and keeping you all to herself, but then this foolish arranged marriage happened… She doesn’t hide her disdain, and she’s annoyed at herself for not doing more to stop it. The princess will spend no small amount of time being angry at the unfairness of it. Once she’s calmed, she doesn’t see why you both can’t continue the relationship behind closed doors. You’re both used to sneaking around, anyway. And Arianne can’t resist ferreting around for some salacious rumors about your spouse… Wouldn’t it be a shame if she found out something that led you to your family cutting the betrothal off?

Tyene Sand

She’s beyond annoyed at this outcome. You were her favorite, in more ways than one, and while she didn’t delude herself into thinking you’d be together forever… well, couldn’t you both have spent your days in court in service to the Martells, or perhaps left forever on a boat to Essos? Why did this have to happen so soon? She’s despondent, much as she tries to hide it, even with her sisters trying to comfort her. She begins to think of plans, just little things … a rumor here, a scheme there. She’ll feel much better if you remain in the Sunspear court, so she can stay close and your relationship can continue.

#got x reader #game of thrones x reader #got imagines #got imagine #game of thrones imagine #got preferences #game of thrones preferences #& yes that is 35 characters & yes I CANNOT TAG THEM ALL bc tumbles wont let me #*screeches*

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angelwingsxxo · 6 years ago

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Sempiternal

Tom Hiddleston x reader

Summary: As you stand before the altar, you reflect on your relationship with the man you are about to marry.

Warnings: none

Word count: 7395

How in the world did I end up here, you think to yourself as you stand in front of the mirror, as Amelie fixes the train of your wedding dress. The dress has long off-shoulder sleeves, embedded with small pearls on the bottom, and is floor-length. The top is corset-like, with laces at the back to adjust the shape, and it is heart-shaped, with colourful flowers on it. The skirt runs from the waist down, loose around your legs, layers of tulle, decorated with small flowers. The train is a beautiful white colour, decorated with small pearls and flowers, and it is at least half a metre long.

Miriam and Arianne walk into the room, carrying your veil and the tiara that you were given by Diana. They are both smiling brightly.

Liz had curled your hair and fastened it with pins. Together with Miriam, she puts the veil on your head, adjusting it slightly so the front falls over your face. Then, Arianne places the tiara on it, fastening the veil. Diana pulls the front of the veil over your head, and Rosa works on your make-up.

"You look marvellous." Amelie says softly, and when you open your eyes, you can see her reflection in the mirror. You had chosen Amelie as your Maid of Honour, and Miriam, Rosa, Liz, Anneli, Nea and Arianne as your bridesmaids.

The five girls are wearing simple white dresses without sleeves and skirts that fall to the knee, and Amelie is wearing a similar dress to theirs, only with lace all over it, and flowers on the bottom line of her skirt that are a deep blue colour.

Amelie wipes away a tear, and you turn around to hug your sister. "Don't cry." You whisper, and she nods as you pull away. "Turn around," Anneli commands, and you do as she says, while the girls perform the last touches. Your mind swirls, and you think about how you got here.

It started when you were casted in Thor, and then in Thor: The Dark World as Sassa, the woman promised to Thor, next queen of Asgard. Sassa was stuck in between the two brothers; Loki had fallen in love with her, but her duty to Asgard stood first.

During the first movie you could - luckily - leave your three-year-old daughter Cecily behind with Amelie, but when the filming for the second movie would start, Amelie went back to Finland, and you couldn't bear to let Cecily go with her. So, you took Cecily with you to the United States.

The girl had been ecstatic to meet the other actors - she was specifically fond of Rene Russo, who played the part of Frigga. You, however, weren't so happy about everything. You had appeared in the media a few times over the years, considering your fame in your work as a surgeon, and by playing in Thor, but you had always managed to keep Cecily out of it all. You didn't want her life to change.

Plus, nobody knew of your personal life. Nobody knew of your deceased husband - he had died of cancer just before Cecily was born, in 2008 - and of Cecily. You were unsure of their reactions.

As expected, the women gushed over your four-year-old daughter, and Chris and Tom weren't too far from that too. Especially Tom liked her a lot. He didn't have any children of his own, at the age of thirty, and he wasn't sure if he wanted them.

"I'm not a good boyfriend," he told you one day, when the two of you caught up over a cup of coffee, "and I doubt I'd be a very good father. Jessica and I are nothing serious anyways, so it won't last too long, but I don't think I'll get children."

He opened up to you about his fears in relationships, and why they never lasted long with him. He told you that he had fallouts with his father on a young age, and that some of those played a big role in his life. You felt honestly honoured that he shared this much information with you.

And in the mean time, you developed a small crush on him. But you knew that he was with Jessica at the moment, and you also knew that a relationship just really wasn't in the cards for you two, because he was away a lot, and he wouldn't be able to offer you what you needed. So you never acted on it, in the beginning.

He and Jessica split at the end of the year, just before the premiere. You couldn't be there, because Cecily had to go to school, and you still had a job in London. The cast expressed their regrets at your leave, but you assured them that you would catch up someday.

After that, you tried to cut yourself off. You managed to make some friends in the normal world, who weren't celebrities. You met Miriam and Arianne, a lesbian couple, in a bar, and from there, you gradually made your way into their group. You managed to pull two of your old friends from Finland in it too, Anneli and Nea, and they settled in London for a while.

In spring of 2014, Tom returned to London, and you were very surprised to find him at your door the following morning.

"Tom?" You yawned. "What are you doing here?" He looked strangely nervous. "Let me take you out for breakfast," he said, and your eyes widened. It was a Saturday morning, and you had already brought Cecily to her grandparents the Friday before, to catch up with your friends. "A-alright. I just need to put on some clothes." As soon as you said that, he looked at your top and shorts, that left nothing to the imagination, and his cheeks turned pink. "Come in." You opened the door more and he stepped in as you rushed upstairs.

You had breakfast in a small restaurant in the outskirts of London, chattering about everything and nothing - about filming, favourite animals and colours, and eventually also about Cecily.

"She's almost six now," you smiled, and looked at your coffee. "Looks a lot like her father." It stayed silent for a while. Tom cleared his throat. "Can I- can I ask what happened to the father?" You looked up to meet his beautiful blue eyes. They had a green tint, and appeared greener in the light that came from the lamps inside. "Julian had cancer," you said softly, "he died just before Cecily was born."

You blinked the tears away, and bit your lip when you felt his hand on yours. He squeezed your hand softly. "I'm sorry." He whispered, and you shook your head. "Don't be sorry. You can't help it." You smiled. "I suppose fate decided. Sometimes life takes unexpected turns. I miss him, but I make sure that Cecily knows she is loved by both of us, even though he is no longer here." You took a deep breath. "My sister helps me a lot too, even though she's back home now, in Finland." Tom smiled at you. "How about your family?"

"Well," he started, "I have two sisters, Sarah and Emma. Sarah is the eldest, with thirty-five, I'm the middle child with thirty-three and Emma is the youngest with twenty-eight. My mother Diana is a stage manager, and my father James is a scientist. You didn't tell me who your sister is." He pointed out, and you chuckled.

"Your family sounds more interesting than mine. My sister's name is Amelie, and she's married to Samuli Vauramo, a Finnish actor. She's an artist, and she's pretty popular back in Finland. My parents," you hesitated before continuing, "our mother Astrid died giving birth to Amelie, and our father Aabraham succumbed to alcohol not long after that. Child support took us out and placed us in a home in Denmark. We didn't stay very long, and we were separated." You sighed deeply. "I went to Winchester, and she went back to Finland. Long story short, I met Julian when I was nineteen, and he helped me locate Amelie. We went to Finland and stayed there for a while, and I made a few friends before going back to England." "And your foster parents?" Tom asked. You smiled. "There was no man in the picture there. Just one woman, who raised me. She died ten years ago."

He looked at you with something that resembled compassion. "I'm sorry for your loss. It must've been hard for you." "I got out stronger. Life's not a fairy-tale and not everyone gets what they want. But it's the way things work." You shrugged. Tom looked at you for a moment before nodding. "You're right. Now, what about a walk?" You smiled. "I'd love that."

It became official a few months after that. The first months weren't hard to navigate through. He stayed in London most of the time, and he worked, but you worked too, so you could make arrangements easily to meet each other.

You hadn't told Cecily yet, however. You didn't want to let her have hope for something that might not last.

It turned out you were right.

In 2015, after he was done filming I Saw the Light and High Rise, you introduced him to Cecily as your boyfriend. Cecily was overjoyed, happy to finally have this kind of father figure. It soon appeared that that wasn't really what happened. Tom started to come over more and more, staying several nights after each other, and eventually even dropping Cecily off at school on Fridays when you had to leave early for work. But when Crimson Peak came in, the visits stopped, and you only had contact through cell phone.

"I miss Tom," Cecily said one night, when you were seated on the couch in the living room, eating pizza and watching The Pirate Fairy. You stopped mid-bite, looking at her. "When is he coming back?" Your daughter asked, and you bit your lip. You didn't know. He was so busy lately, and you hadn't called this week. "I'll call him tomorrow sweetheart, and I'll ask him. Eat your pizza, then I can get you to bed and grandma will come over to watch over the house." Cecily nodded.

You put her to bed not long after that, and she asked, "Do you love Tom, mommy?" You sucked in a breath. Did you love Tom? "Probably," you answered with a smile as you kissed her forehead. "Because if Tom doesn't treat you right, then you shouldn't love him." Your smile evaporated. "Tom does treat me right, darling. He's just very busy. His job is his first priority." "Shouldn't family be his first priority?" She asked, innocently enough. You sighed deeply. "In this business world, I'm afraid he can't let any opportunity go. Go to sleep, darling." You kissed her forehead again, and then left.

"Will you be okay?" Alice asked, her brow furrowed in worry. You smiled. "I will, I promise. Just going out with the girls. We'll be okay." "You know I wasn't talking about that." You sighed, putting on your coat. "Tom and I will talk about it. Cecily deserves someone who can give her everything. I care for Tom, I really, really do, but I also understand that work comes first, and that he simply can't put us first. Besides, Cecily isn't his daughter. He is not obligated to be with her." You shook your head. "I'm just going out to clear my head and live. I don't want to think about men right now." Alice smiled and patted your cheek lovingly. "You go do that. Have fun."

In the bar, you told the girls about what happened with Tom. Liz told you that you'd have to wait, because his job was important too, and he was indeed not obligated to spend time with Cecily. Miriam and Arianne had no opinion in the matter, simply told you to think about it, while Rosa told you that this was unacceptable. "You're his girlfriend, Y/N, and as your boyfriend, he needs to spend time with you. And if he chooses his work instead of you, well, I think he loses a lot more than he anticipated."

True to your word, you called Tom the next day.

"Hey love, how's your week going?" He greeted you with a smile, and you nodded. "Everything is just fine. Busy, as always." He frowned, noticing the lack of emotions on your face. "What's going on?" You bit your lip, trying to keep the tears from spilling. You had to break up with him. It was best for everyone.

"We need to talk," you managed to say. "About us." He seemed taken aback. Then, he nodded. "Alright. I'll be finished on set this Sunday. Where do you want to meet?"

"Our favourite café. Two O'clock." He nodded. "I'll see you then, love." The endearment struck a cord, and you cancelled the call before bursting into tears.

Liz and Arianne went with you. They waited outside for you to go in, so they could catch you when you'd go outside.

Tom was already sitting at a table, with a steaming mug in front of him. There was a cup of coffee for you. You swallowed as you sat down.

"How was filming?" He looked up and smiled. "It was exhausting." He said, and then, "What did you want to talk about? Are you alright? Is Cecily okay?" "We're fine," you said, "but Cecily misses you." He bit his lip and looked down. "Thomas," you started, and he looked up again, "I think we should take a break." It stayed silent, and your heart shattered at the hurt on his face. "You put your job first in your life, and I respect that, and I can accept it. But it's hard for Cecily, and- well, for me too. You haven't seen us in three months. And at this point, my feelings don't matter. Cecily is the deciding factor here. And I don't want to hurt her. I want her to get the love and attention she deserves. And.." you wiped away a tear, "you can't do that."

"Are you sure?" Judging by the tone of his voice, he was struggling to hold back his tears. "I think it's best for us, right now." He tried to smile, but failed miserably. "If that is what you want... then that's okay. We can take a break." You nodded and pulled out five ponds. You put them on the table as you got up, grabbing your bag. In an impulse, you leaned forward to give him a kiss. You wiped away a tear from his cheek, and then you turned on your heels and walked out.

You were lucky that the girls were there to catch you, because as soon as you were out of sight, you had to sit down to prevent yourself from falling.

The first months were hardest. And the thing that made it even harder was that just three months after your break-up with Tom, he was spotted kissing Taylor Swift. Tears were spilled, and you ate a lot of chocolate. The girls were there to pick you up, however, and Nea, Anneli and Amelie all came over to England to help you get up on your own feet. Summer vacation started, and you decided to take Cecily to Finland. Miriam and Arianne joined you, and you had the time of your life.

But getting over Tom was practically impossible. At some point, it was easier, but the love you felt for him - it had struck you eventually, that you did love him, and by god, wasn't that horrible - was still there, simmering under the surface.

"Y/N?" Rosa asks, waving her hand in front of your face, and you blink, brought back to the present. In front of you stand your bridesmaids. Amelie walks up to you, carrying your bouquet. You swallow, taking it from her.

"Let's go." Nea says, from the doorway. You nod, taking your place behind your bridesmaids. Normally, a bride's father would walk her down the aisle, but since he wasn't there, you would walk alone.

Liz squeezes your hand. "Take a deep breath." She tells you. You nod, taking a deep breath. "We're going in when you're ready." You nod again, and try to calm yourself. Your hands are trembling, and there are tears burning behind your eyes.

It is amazing that you got to marry the man you love, but the fact that your mother or your foster-mother can't be there, is a huge slap in the face.

"I'm ready." You say, and then the big wooden doors open.

You take a deep breath as Miriam and Arianne start walking.

Your eyes find those of Amelie, who is already standing at the end of the white carpet on the grass. Tom is there too, but you can't look at him, because you're scared you're going to cry.

Nevertheless, as you come closer, you look at him. He looks ravishing in his white suit with creme-coloured details. His lips are curled in a soft smile, and his eyes are solely on you. You can't push back the tears now, and they roll down your cheeks. Now you thank Diana and Alice for deciding on a veil that covers your face.

You take Tom's hand and climb up the steps to stand in front of him. He smiles, and carefully lifts the veil over your head. You quickly wipe away a tear with a trembling hand, and he takes your hand and squeezes it. "You look beautiful," he tells you with a smile, and you smile at him.

"We are gathered here today...."

Your mind swirls back to the past, and your thoughts focus on Tom and how you got here.

"You cannot stay here, Sassa,"

"I can!"

"You need to take care of the people."

"Loki will take care of them. I am here to help you." You grabbed Chris' arm, and look him in the eyes. "To defeat-" you were cut off by a disgusting sound, and you coughed, spitting out blood. The camera moved down, to focus on the tip of a spear coming out of your stomach, and you looked at with wide eyes. "Sassa!" Chris yelled, and then, "Cut!"

You smiled, and took the prop off your costume. "Very good." Taika said, clapping. You turned around, letting your cloak swirl with you, and bowed deeply. Everyone laughed. "Alright, Cate, come on up! Sassa, prepare to drop to your knees." You nodded at Taika's words, and went back to your place. Your team raced up to place the prop back, now with a lot more blood. Cate stood behind you, and the cameras started rolling again.

You dropped to your knees, clutching the prop, feeling your hands wet with blood. In horror, you stared at your hands, and you slowly slumped to the ground, your temple softly hitting the marble stones.

"Aaaand cut!" Taika yelled, and you got up again, brushing off imaginary dust from your cape. "Can we do that again?" You nodded, and got back in your first stance, ready to fall to the ground again. And then, a loud wail sounded through the room. "Mommy!!" You looked to your side, and were surprised to see Cecily running your way. She was crying. "What's wrong baby?" You asked, tugging her close. "Don't die, mommy, don't die!" She pressed her hands to the prop in your stomach, and you laughed silently. The other members of the cast were trying to hold back their laughter. "I'm not dying darling, it's just a prop. See?" You pulled it off your clothes, and showed her there was no wound. "Now go back to Mary, so mommy can finish up." Cecily nodded. "Be safe mommy." She gave you a kiss and ran away again, eliciting soft aww's from the cast. You smiled, putting the prop back on.

"Thank you," you took the coffee out of Chris' hand, taking a sip. He grinned. "It's your favourite-" "Dark coffee with just a pinch of sugar and no cream." Another voice said, and you turned your head to find Tom standing besides you. You nodded. "Thor! You're up next!" Taika yelled, and Thor nodded. "Have fun guys." He said, and walked off.

"How are you?" He asked softly. You looked at him. "It's been better. But it's okay-" you were cut off by Cecily, who ran up to you two. You expected her to come to you, but she hugged Tom's legs. He laughed and lifted her up in his arms. "I missed you!" Cecily chirped, and you watched with big eyes as Tom and Cecily started whispering, and your daughter laughed - she hadn't laughed like that before with you.

"She needs a father, Y/N." Alice told you when you Face Timed her. You sighed. "I know you're trying the best you can to be both mother and father figure, but it's different. She's surrounded by females every time. Being with a man is something exciting and new, and it's also good for her to be with men from time to time." "But she's with the crew sometimes." You said. Alice smiled. "I know. But it's different. You know that, right? You grew up with Amanda in your life, and you didn't have much boys around you." You shook your head. "I get where it comes from," you admitted, looking down. "Don't be sad, Y/N," Alice said, "you and Tom took a deserved break. Maybe that was just what you needed to get back together again." "I can't just get back together with him," you said, furrowing your brows, "he doesn't have much time for us. Cecily adores him, but if he can't be there for her when she needs him, what's the point in getting back together with him?" Alice chuckled. "You're in love with him, Y/N, even after all this time. It could work out, if you just work hard enough on it. You're the one who is able to travel, so you can just go with him." "But that's expensive," you said softly. Alice laughed out loud now. "Money is not the problem in our family Y/N, and you know it. Just think about it, alright? Now go back to sleep. It's like three in the morning." You nodded. "I will. Have a nice day." "Sleep tight."

You pulled out your earphones and looked at the sleeping form of Cecily. She was holding her small stuffed animal - Loki, how ironic, you thought - and she seemed peaceful. You sighed deeply. "Do you want him in our family?" She didn't answer, of course. You smiled, and laid down next to her, putting an arm around her.

"Sassa, you need to get back to the ship," Chris said, and you frowned. "You need to take care of our people, to ensure that they will be safe." "They can't be safe if there's no Asgard they can live on." You hissed.

"Cut!" Taika yelled, and everyone ran around to get everything ready for the next scene. "Alright, people, move quick. Next scene!"

"Fuck off, Thor," you spat, and his eyes widened in surprise. You got up from the floor and wiped the blood on your hands on your white cloak. "I am Asgard's next queen, and I will stand and protect my people-" "Be careful!" Tom's voice sounded next to you, and you looked at him.

"Cut!" You let your shoulders drop, and Tom took his hand off your shoulder. "Great work everyone," Taika said, laughing, "you can take a break."

"Cecily?" You asked carefully, not to frighten your daughter. She nodded, looking at you in amazement. "Mommy, you look like a queen," she said, touching your face. You smiled. "Do you want to watch us act the last scenes?" She nodded, excited. You took her hand. "Well, come on, no more waiting."

You were standing in between Chris and Tom, holding Chris' hand and gazing towards the camera.

"Do you really think it's a good idea to go back to earth?" Tom asked, and Chris and you looked at each other before Chris answered. "Yes of course, the people over there love me, I'm very popular." You bit back your laughter. Tom looked at him. "Let me rephrase that: do you really think it's a good idea to bring me back to earth?" "Probably not, to be honest." Chris answered, and Tom smiled. "I wouldn't worry brother. I feel like everything's going to work out fine."

It stayed silent for a few seconds. Then, you slowly looked up, as Tom and Chris did the same, and widened your eyes in surprise. "Just fine," you mumbled, and then, "Cut!" Was heard over the set.

"Take four." The person said, and you smiled, straightening your back as Chris walked forward. The people around him parted ways to let him through. "Your throne." Tessa quipped with half a smile, and Chris nodded.

As he sat down in the seat, you stepped forward and put your hand on his arm.

"So, king and queen of Asgard," Idris said, and you and Chris looked at him. He then turned his head more, to look at the people behind them, and waved.

"Where to?" Idris asked. "I'm not sure," Chris answered, looking to his other side, "Any suggestions?" to then look at Idris and you again. "Mick, where are you from?" "Oh, Mick's dead," Taika said, "yeah, I accidentally stumped on him on the bridge. I just feel so guilty. Been carrying him around all day." And then, "Oh Mick, you're alive." Taika looked at the others. "He's alive guys! What was your question again?"

"Earth," you told Chris. He looked at you, and you leaned down to kiss him softly. The camera momentarily zoomed in on Tom's pained expression. "It's safe there." Chris nodded, pulling back. "Earth it is." Chris looked forward. "Cut!" It was yelled, and you smiled, relaxing a bit.

Chris poured a bit of the juice in a glass, and took it in his hands, staring at the mirror. You stood next to him. He touched his eyepatch. "You look like a king," you told him, and he turned towards you. "And you like a queen." You touched his cheek, and he bent down to give you a kiss. When you parted, you smiled at him. "I'll be going." You turned and walked away as gracefully as you could.

When you appeared out of sight, your team rushed up, to add fluid to your eyes. You blinked, and closed them, and waited for the cameras to focus on you as you heard Chris say something.

And then, "I caught it!" Tom squealed, and you smiled, because it sounded adorable.

When you walked through the hallway, the camera zoomed in on your tear-stained face. You smiled, and wiped your cheeks dry, holding your chin high. "I am queen." You said softly, and then the cameras stopped rolling.

"You are amazing!" Cecily said, laughing widely. Tom laughed and crouched down on his knees. "That is very sweet of you Cecily." She cocked her head. "Why didn't you come back?" She asked, her voice soft, and Tom could almost feel his heart break. "Your mother and I decided it was for the best to take a break." He answered. She raised her eyebrows. "But you love each other!" He smiled. "We do. But in this world, it's hard to love one another when there are so many more important things around you." "I think your love and family should come first," Cecily declared, smiling, "I'm going to say hi to mommy." She ran away, leaving Tom behind with his thoughts.

"Hey baby," you said, lifting her up from the ground. "I want Tom back." She stated bluntly and you sucked in a breath. Next to you, Chris shifted on his feet. "Darling?" You asked, unsure if you heard well. She looked you in the eye, determination settled across her face. "I want Tom back. You love him, he loves you. Problem solved. I want him back." "You-" you cleared your throat, "you want him in our family?" She nodded. You nodded, and put her back on the ground, unable to hold back your tears. "I- I'm going to the bathroom." You turned and walked away quickly. Chris tried to grab your arm, but you avoided him and ran towards your trailer.

"I brought you coffee." You looked up. Tom stood in front of you, carrying a Starbucks cup of coffee. Smiling gratefully, you took it from him, noticing how both your fingers lingered on each other.

"Cecily told me something." Tom said, sitting down next to you. You looked at him, curious for what he was going to say next. "She told me that family always comes first." He looked at you with those beautiful eyes, and your heart began to beat faster. "She looks at you as a part of our family." It was hard to speak those words, but when you saw him smile, you felt relieved. He took a deep breath and took your hands. "I want to be there for her," he said, and your eyes widened, "As a father." You couldn't talk. No word seemed right to say. "And I'm sorry that I didn't fight when you told me you needed me. I'm sorry I didn't do anything at all, because I found my job more important. I want to change that." You nodded, finding your voice again. "We can try." He smiled so wide you thought his face was going to split. "Thank you," he whispered, and pulled you into a hug. You relaxed in his arms and nuzzled his neck, closing your eyes. "It can work out."

“Thomas," you say with a quavering voice, noticing the eyes on you. "I take you as my husband, with your faults and your strengths, as I offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths. I further promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live.” He smiles at you.

“I, Thomas, take you, Y/N, to be my wife, to have and to told, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ‘till death do us part. I further pledge my heart, body and soul to our union. I promise to support you in your endeavours and counsel you when you need my guidance. I will accept your counsel with an open and open mind. I will share my thought, dreams, hopes and fears with you. I will hold you close when you laugh and when you cry. I vow to be a strong individual within a solid union so we may both grow in love and wisdom for the rest of our days.” His voice is strong and steady and you blink back the tears as his eyes gaze lovingly at you.

This is all I ever wanted.

The bright lights were focused on the two of you. You tried to keep calm. It was just like acting. You stroked the fabric of your pink skirt, and looked up at the hostess.

“Welcome, welcome," Ellen said with a big smile. You smiled back, a little nervous. It was the first time you’d done this, and luckily you’d been able to prepare for the questions that were going to be asked.

“So, Tom Hiddleston and Y/N Y/L/N, you play Loki and Sassa in the Thor movies and in the Avengers movies.” The two of you nodded.

“Y/N,” she looked at you, “am I right to understand that Sassa is stuck in a love triangle?” You laughed out loud.

“It sure seems like it in the movies, yeah, I get where you’re coming from. But well, you see,” you said, pushing yourself to the left to face her better.

“Sassa is Thor’s promised, actually, since birth. The two Odinsons and Sassa grew up together in the palace, and although Sassa shares quite the connection with her betrothed, her best friend and companion is usually Loki. In the first movie all goes well, it’s a little behind the scenes, but if you look closely, you can see that Sassa and Loki share a bit more than friendship.

“In the second movie, when Thor brings Jane to Asgard in order to grand her immortality or something, Odin specifically tells him that he can’t do that because then he needs to annul the arranged marriage. Frigga intervenes there, stating that she wants Thor to be happy. It’s a little complicated from there.

“In the third movie, Ragnarok, it becomes clear that Sassa never left Thor’s side, the marriage is still there, because when he arrives back in Asgard, she goes with him and Loki to Earth to search for Odin. When Loki and Thor find him, however, she retreats, and she eventually notices Hela coming in and travelling to Asgard. Sassa goes back to Strange, and eventually gets on Sakaar with his help to find the two gods. There, she is basically Thor’s shadow, and she stands by his side through everything.

“As soon as Ragnarok starts in Asgard, she goes with Thor to battle Hela. She gets wounded, so badly that Thor fears she is going to die – he does have a soft spot for her – and he tells her that she needs to leave. It’s my favourite scene in the movie, because she just tells him to fuck off and let her do what she wants, and he is shocked.”

You chuckle. “But anyways, he then proceeds to almost get killed, Sassa is not much of a help, and then he takes her towards the ship, where Valkyrie helps her on. In the second cameo, she is reunited with Thor, and only there it becomes clear that there’s a bit more between those two than friendship. In a deleted scene which was supposed to be in the cameo’s, Sassa kisses Loki, to show him her support.

“So yeah, it is basically a love triangle. She has strong feelings for Loki, but she has also developed feelings for Thor, I mean, who wouldn’t, after spending so much time together and knowing you’re going to get married eventually.”

Ellen nodded. “And Tom, can you say anything about this?”

Tom looked at you for a second before answering.

“Well, I can’t really say that much about it, because Y/N told most of it, but I can say that Loki has a lot of issues. And Sassa is one of the biggest. Loki is in love with her, but he beats himself up because he can’t, as she is going to rule Asgard one day, besides Thor. So he knows he can’t have her. And that’s agonising.” The two of you shared a smile.

"I'd like to make a toast," Tom says, raising his glass and getting up, "before the others can. To my wife." There is applause as you blush.

Tom smiles at you as you take his hand. He looks at the people around them. “I like to take this time to say just how you make me feel.” He glances at you. “Your smile brightens my darkest day and makes our friendship real. Every time you hold my hand, I feel butterflies take flight, and I find myself missing you each time you’re out of sight.” You squeeze his hand as he continues. “Each morning when I wake, you’re the first thing on my mind, and I’ll protect the special bond we share because true love is hard to find. You’re someone very special and this I know is true. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I owe that all to you.” “Aww,” slips out of your mouth, and he leans down to press his lips to yours.

Everyone applauds and cheers, raising and clinking their glasses as Tom sits down again. "I love you," he whispers to you, and you don't know if it's possible that anyone is happier than you at that moment.

"It's my turn now," you say, getting up. You raise your glass, putting your hand on Tom’s shoulder.

“You make me feel beautiful. You’re there for me when no one else is. You make me laugh. You accept me for who I am. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I am more than happy to be able to call you my husband.” You glance down at him with red cheeks, and he smiles at you, getting up to kiss you. You smile happily against his lips.

"I love you," you whisper as you sit down, taking his hand and squeezing it.

“Why do you still put up with me? Why are you still here, Y/N, tell me why!”

You were caught up in some stupid argument, in Tom's home, in the middle of the night. Cecily was with Alice, and you and Tom wanted some time for yourselves. You didn't know how it got to this, but here you two were, in the living room, in front of each other, and you were on the verge of tears.

“Because I love you!”

His eyes widened in surprise. “Because-“ you heaved, “I am madly in love with you, you fucking asshat!” You were crying now, hot tears spilling over your cheeks.

“I love you at two in the morning when I can’t sleep. I love you at six am when I wake up. I love you when it’s ten am and I’m at work and my thoughts end up drifting to you and thinking of how much I care for you. I love you at three in the afternoon when the world is at full bustle and when I’m in the middle of a crowded city street. I love you when it’s five pm and I’m having dinner surrounded by my family. I love you all the time. When I’m lonely or happy or excited or scared. I love you, and that will never change.

"I want your last name. Your Sunday mornings and daily commutes. I want your phone calls and your quirks. Your sick days and your hair in my shower drain. I want your laugh. Your arms around my when I walk by because you can’t let me walk past. Your eye contact. Your smile. I want to find your lost keys. Do your laundry. Make your tea the way you like it. I want the other side of the bed to be yours, our fingers intertwined. I want your silences. Your Internet history and your electricity bills. I want your twisted past, and your convoluted future.

“I’m going to love you - I’m going to love you in your weakest moments to your strongest ones. I’m going to love you when you’re happy and I’m going to still love you the most when you’re sad or angry. Don’t you understand? I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I want to love you, each and every piece of you. I want you with your imperfections as much as I want you. And I’m always going to want you, I’m always going to be here loving you with everything.

“I love you so much my heart aches. And I hate it when you’re gone. I hate it when you’re angry or sad, but I love you so, so much when you smile, and I love it when you’re here with me and I get cuddle time with you on the couch. And I know you told me you don’t like things like this, because you’re a terrible boyfriend and you feel like you can’t live up to any expectations because you everyone expects so much of you. And I know you feel like you can’t do it. But I know you can. And I love you. We can work it out.”

Your voice was hoarse now, and you felt like you were going to fall down if you remained standing just a little longer. “I want you, Tom,” you said softly, wiping away a few tears.

“I want all of you. I want you in the mornings, gruff and tired, I want you in the afternoon, happy and jumpy and I want you in the nights, romantic and loving. I can live without you, but I don’t want to.”

You looked up from the floor, only to find him standing in front of you, carefully taking your face in his hands and wiping away the rest of the tears. You bit back a sob.

“I want your Sunday mornings as well,” he whispered, stroking your cheek with his thumb, “I want to make your coffee and see you smile when you smell it. I want you in my future, and I want to hold you every day, and be able to kiss you every day and see you smile until the day I die.”

He leaned down and captured your lips with his, and he pulled you flush against him. Your arms locked themselves around his neck, and you pushed yourself up on the tips of your toes, as your eyes closed.

Panting, you parted, and you felt giddy when you saw his adorable smile. “I’m going to be here for a while,” Tom whispered, “before I need to return to the States for the next movie.” You nodded. “Stay with me,” he said softly, “spend your Sunday mornings with me. And in the future, we can decide what we do next.” You nodded again. “I would like that very much.” You giggled as he leaned down for another kiss. He smiled against your lips. I love you.

"You should wear this dress more often," Tom whispers in your ear as you move slowly on the dance floor. You giggle, looking up at him. "If it pleases my husband, I will." He smiles and kisses you, long and soft.

"Y/N?" Alice calls to you, and you look up. Tom holds your waist as Alice walks up to you. She's smiling. "Cecily wants to dance with Tom." She says. Tom lets you go, but not before giving you a kiss. You smile, and then you let Alice pull you away.

"Congratulations!" Everyone shouts, popping champagne. You laugh, letting everyone hug you and kiss you on the cheek. At the end, you're left with Tom Holland and his assistent Harrison Osterfield. You smile. "You must be Harrison. It's nice to finally meet you." Harrison smiles and shakes your hand. "Congratulations with your marriage." He says, and you smile. "Thank you. Now, Tom, could you please gather all the girls and women, so I can throw the bouquet?" Tom is more than happy to comply, and together with his best friend, he calls for all the ladies to stand together.

You stand, with your back towards the group of women, hands on the bouquet. Your husband winks at you from the other side of the room. You then lift your arms and throw the bouquet backwards, and turn around to see who catches it.

It's Katherine. She laughs and holds up the bouquet, letting Chris spin her around. You smile.

Much later that evening, when Cecily is fast asleep and Alice takes her home with her to give the two of you some space, you say your goodbyes to everyone. Tom holds you all the while, and kisses you in between. He has been unable to keep his hands off you all night.

"I can't believe I can finally call you my wife," Tom says as you step out of your reception dress, a dress with layers of pink tulle on the skirt, and two pockets. You take the pins out of your hair, letting the locks fall on your shoulders. You smile. "Well, if it helps, I can believe it." You turn around, as his lips meet yours.

This will work. We will love each other through it all. We will be a family.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #reader #wedding #marriage #reminiscing

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joannalannister · 7 years ago

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@kahlanhbic submitted:

Do you think if Joanna would have lived and been around to raise Cersei properly do you think Cersei would have turned out any different?

Probably.

MISOGYNY

The Cersei we know in the books is very misogynistic. Part of that is Westerosi culture, part is the influence of Tywin and his own violent aggression against various women, and part is Cersei’s own self-loathing, but I think another part – a big part – is her mother dying. I think when Cersei was a very young child, her parents seemed as constant as the stars, “eternal as Casterly Rock.” Joanna perhaps even more so than Tywin, because Tywin was “often away” in King’s Landing. Think what they must have looked like to tiny Cersei. Beautiful, tall, powerful, towering over her like gods. (“Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.” –Thackeray)

(It is my headcanon that the ancient golden statues of the Seven in the small sept at Casterly Rock have a very Lannister “look” and when bb!Cersei prayed to the Mother, she prayed to her own mother, because they were one and the same to her, even with her mother right beside her.)

But then Joanna died, and I think that profoundly influenced how Cersei views women. To Cersei, the female body is something weak and soft and, above all, fallible. (To be fair, the incidents that would make Cersei hate her body started before Joanna died, but I think Joanna’s death cemented Cersei’s misogyny and self-hatred.) Women are weak, according to Cersei. They are “Vapid, weepy creatures, always telling tales,” treacherous, never to be trusted. (Since she was ten, Cersei has never trusted “anyone but Jaime”.)

(EDIT to add: Contrast Tywin’s body in AGOT -- “hard as a man of twenty” -- with Cersei’s body in ADWD. Men’s (able) bodies are the long-lasting, celebrated ideal, while women’s bodies are a source of shame, a source of betrayal.)

Cersei also has this idea that she’s playing a zero-sum game; if another woman gains, Cersei loses, in her mind. For example, Margaery being queen diminishes Cersei’s own queenly status. Even before Cersei visited the maegi and heard the YMBQ prophecy, Cersei has feared that other women would take from her. They would take Jaime, they would take Rhaegar, they would take her position. Other women would take and take and take, she feared. (It’s what makes her so jealous and afraid of Sansa, Margaery, soon perhaps Arianne. Even the ghost of the “wolf girl” Lyanna haunts her.)

If Joanna had lived, I don’t think Cersei would have quite as terrible views on women. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think Joanna being alive would be wash away all of Cersei’s misogyny, Westeros being Westeros. I think Joanna absolutely loathed women like Ellyn Tarbeck and Tytos’s mistresses, and I don’t think she would have liked Tysha at all. So there would have still been a lot of negativity toward women. But with Joanna alive, I think Cersei would have seen some female positivity to counterbalance all this negativity.

(In the text, we see some glimpses of Cersei’s relationship with Genna, but – and this is just my headcanon! because grrm doesn’t delve into female relationships!!! including this one!!!! – I don’t feel like Cersei had the same close relationship with Genna that she might have had with her mother.)

***

Tangent:

Sure, Genna prepped Cersei for the tourney (likely at Tywin’s wishes, because Tywin can’t very well do that himself, can he) and afterwards Genna promised that Tywin would find someone better for Cersei (because Genna has massive faith in Tywin and was extremely loyal to him), and then when Tywin sent a raven that Cersei should come to court, Genna, in Tywin’s absence, explained to her distraught teenage niece what was going on and prepped her for it. So idk, the things Genna did with Cersei always seemed to me like … idk, like Genna was being a female!Kevan, acting on Tywin’s behalf, out of loyalty to Tywin. So these three instances, to me, seemed more about Tywin & Genna, and how they operated together (or apart, as the case may be), rather than them being about Genna & Cersei. I think maybe a lot of people disagree with me here … but I imagine these like … ~Tywin goes up to Genna, like, “I don’t know how to parent or show emotions, and women/girls are … you know … so please go do something with my daughter. Brush her hair or. Something.” and Genna’s like, “Anything for you, Tywin!”~ Like, she’s trying to help cover for Tywin’s massive failings as a parent, because she’s Tywin’s sister and House Lannister is ride or die. I had a similar headcanon about Gerion playing with Jaime, because Tywin never knew how to play.

***

… where was I … female positivity to counterbalance all the negativity … I think Joanna had many positive relationships with various ladies at Casterly Rock. She was obviously good friends with the Unnamed Princess of Dorne. I think Joanna and Genna were good friends. So I don’t think Cersei would have felt quite so hateful toward other women, and toward herself, if she’d had Joanna there to be a positive female role model.

(However, I imagine Joanna had various problems herself, but I think she would hide those problems from Cersei as best she could, so let’s set those aside for now. I feel like everyone thinks I’m weird when I suggest that Joanna had her own problems, but idk how anyone can think living with Tywin was easy. For anyone. House Lannister is where life goes to be twisted in darkness; just ask that strange weirwood, “choking out all other growth”.)

RELATIONSHIP WITH JAIME

I don’t think Cersei’s relationship with Jaime would have been allowed to continue, had Joanna survived. I still think that Joanna and Tywin both intended that Cersei marry Rhaegar, given that that plan was set in motion before Joanna died. I think it was wishful thinking on the part of the Unnamed Princess of Dorne that Cersei/Oberyn would happen, and I don’t think it was ever going to go through, but I do think that the betrothal of Jaime to Princess Elia would have gone through. (See: #jaime x elia)

This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I think it could go either way in terms of which child leaves CR after Tyrion is born. If Joanna is very persuasive, Jaime gets fostered in Sunspear with the Martells. Crakehall, otherwise, just sooner than in the OTL.

But I think there’s an interesting alternative to fostering Jaime, one that would separate the twins without Joanna angering Tywin. When Joanna is well enough to travel, I think she and Cersei could spend the rest of the winter in Sunspear. Joanna and the Unnamed Princess were BFFs, after all, and it’s important for Joanna to keep a close eye on Cersei, to prepare her to be a queen. Not a formal fostering in Sunspear, because I honestly think Tywin is too much of a dick, but, like, an extended vacation in the sunshine.

(Wow I think I just solved one problem in my fanfic, thinking about it while typing this out. Cool.)

And with Elia already taken, I don’t think Aerys can find a wife for Rhaegar, which opens up all sorts of possibilities, but I’m not too interested in most of those. If … something … happens to Aerys, I think Cersei/Rhaegar is a strong possibility in this AU.

Anyways, I don’t think Jaime/Cersei is quite as much of a thing in this AU. Still possible, but less likely. I don’t think Jaime or Cersei need it to be as much of a thing in this AU.

I think one of the reasons Jaime and Cersei turned to each other in canon – aside from Tywin’s belief in Lannister superiority – is that they were emotionally starving after Joanna’s death, and they sought comfort in each other. (This almost makes me think of the twincest as, like, emotional cannibalism. Hmmm. Gonna think more on that one.) With Tywin turning in on himself, Jaime and Cersei are left to grieve all alone, trying to navigate this massive trauma all by themselves, which I kinda think pushed them into each other’s arms.

But if Joanna survives, Jaime and Cersei not only don’t have to deal with this trauma, they also have a mother to love them and show them affection.

And the Tywin in this AU isn’t quite the man we know; if Tywin’s 100% cyborg in canon, maybe in this Joanna Lives AU he’s only 95% cyborg, so that’s 5% more fatherly affection than the twins saw in canon. Has to be statistically significant, right? With Joanna alive, Tywin is probably more willing to show emotion, more willing to at least try to be human.

So I don’t think Jaime and Cersei are as emotionally dependent on each other in this AU. Which means I don’t think Jaime and Cersei first have sex at about 13. (That time in King’s Landing when Jaime decided he didn’t need Casterly Rock was probably not the first time Jaime and Cersei had sex in the OTL.) Whether they have sex later in life is an interesting question to me, but that’s getting into too many variables, so I’ll leave that off.

So yeah, I think the twincest is less likely. Not impossible, because there’s a lot of underlying Lannister ideology motivating the twincest, but less likely than in the OTL. The outcome of the Rebellion is a big question here, and that’s going to affect twincest, but again, too many variables that aren’t very interesting to me.

CERSEI AND EMOTIONS

I think being raised with Tywin’s ideology fucks a person up no matter what, so I think Cersei still has some issues, regardless of whether Joanna lives or dies.

For example, shortly after Joanna died, Tywin made this pronouncement in Cersei’s hearing: “You cannot eat love, nor buy a horse with it, nor warm your halls on a cold night" (AFFC). Tywin’s fascist masculinity has no place for love; it was a weakness in him that made him smile and even laugh, “not once, but upon three separate occasions!” So, after Joanna died, Tywin recognized this weakness in himself and crushed it as mercilessly as Castamere, until there was “naught but stone at the heart of Casterly Rock.” Unlike his father Tytos, Tywin was not one to let his “heart burst” (literally or metaphorically) with any sort of positive emotion.

In the OTL, Cersei internalized all of Tywin’s fucked up views on love, to the point where she calls love a “disease” (ACOK, Sansa IV) and a “poison. A sweet poison, yes, but it will kill you all the same.“ Tywin’s whole worldview that Cersei adopted has fucked Cersei up, it’s completely fucked up her ability to form meaningful connections with other people so that “It had never been any good with anyone but Jaime”. She views her children as extensions of the self, and her relationship with Jaime is narcissistic, “one person in two bodies”. (I love Jaime/Cersei with my entire being, but this ship is deliciously fucked up. Everyone go follow my twincest sideblog.)

Anger is the only emotion fascist masculinity truly allows, so after Joff’s death, after Tywin’s death, we see this barely controlled rage in Cersei, because she doesn’t know how else to react. Anything less than a display of violence is weakness, and weakness ill befits a Lannister. (Even just after Joanna’s death, what we see from Cersei is violence, when she sexually abuses baby!Tyrion.)

Now, how do I want to say this? I don’t think that Joanna was immune to House Lannister’s fascist masculinity culture, but I don’t think Cersei would have been as emotionally fucked up if Joanna had lived. Like, Cersei is still going to be raised thinking that Lannisters are superior human beings, there’s still going to be a significant lack of empathy / compassion, she’s going to be arrogant, privileged, Lannister.

But I don’t think it’s going to be as extreme, like, I don’t think you’re going to get Cersei viewing love as a poison. I think Cersei would be better able to express herself emotionally, in a healthy manner. I also think Cersei would be able to connect with (noble)people better. Basically, slightly better adjusted in society.

Beyond that…

If Joanna lives, in what ways does A/erys continue to harass her to get at Tywin and House Lannister? And how do these things affect Cersei?

What happens in Robert’s Rebellion?

Who does Cersei marry?

What is Jaime and Elia’s relationship like?

What about the prophecy? Does it still exist? Does Cersei still go and hear it? Does she still murder Melara?

Joanna’s death was undoubtedly significant to Cersei’s development, but so many other things – some of which have nothing to do with Joanna – have shaped who Cersei is. We can’t just pin it all down to this one thing in Cersei’s childhood.

Also…

To simplify this scenario, I’ve kind of been assuming here that Joanna doesn’t do anything, um, damaging to Cersei. But what if that’s not the case? I kind of think Tywin was like, “OK, Cersei’s gonna marry Rhaegar. See ya in a few years, Cersei,” while I can imagine Joanna being a lot more, um, helicoptering. “Cersei, you have to do this, you have to do that, stand up straight, sit still, smile, no pressure but the well being of House Lannister depends on this.” I don’t think Cersei would necessarily be damaged the same ways she was in canon, but what about the damage Joanna herself would inflict, even unintentionally?

And what of Joanna herself? No one but @cosmonauthill seems to like my Joanna-Lives-But-Suicide headcanon, even tho House Lannister is overwhelmingly self-destructive in canon. *pouts*

So there’s a lot of factors to think about here.

I don’t know if I’ve addressed everything you wanted me to address because this is such a broad topic, but if there was something specific you had in mind for this AU that I didn’t touch on, just send me an ask! I also have a #joanna lives AU tag, if you want to explore more.

Finally, I will just leave you with this fanfic by lilith-morgana because it is one of my favorites.

#kahlanhbic #joanna lannister #cersei lannister #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #au questions #joanna lives au #the only au i actually like #i dont think anyone's ever asked me about cersei in a joanna lives au before?? or at least it's not in the tag #this is strange because i thought i have dealt with joanna+cersei au questions?? but apparently not #joanna meta #lannister thoughts #jaime x cersei #genna lannister #jaime x elia #fascist masculinity in asoiaf #replies #submission

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